TO EVES!!

I know it sounds like I'm shouting, but I promise I'm not, I'm not.

My friend, a smart young man whom I adore told me during a lengthy conversation that men and women have their roles in life. A man's role is to provide for the family, he told me. While a woman, well, women, they are just women.

In his words "Las las, na marry dem go marry." Las las na dem go marry means that at the end, they'll be owned by a man eventually, that no matter what they do, at the end of the tunnel, marriage is waiting for them. Like it's not even worth having a conversation about it.

I did counter him, but when I realized that I was winning the argument I stopped (not before he told me that I was trying to start a gender war and I had responded, "so you do admit that there's a war?) And then i told him what I always say when I realize that I'm winning an argument

" You cannot understand, because you haven't first hand, seen it or experienced it." He tried to change the conversation, and I quickly obliged.

Because you see, gender is not an easy conversation to have, people do not like having it because it makes them uncomfortable, even to the folks who say that they support or advocate for women. And because this my friend whom I adore, has probably been fed everything that he was saying by people who think that they are right.

I mean, it's 2023 and I'm watching advertisments on television about seasoning cubes and detergents and cooking condiments and the title characters are always women, always smiling. While the man (an actor playing her loving husband also smiling at the dinning) waits for her to finish and says " hmmmmm this smells delicious."

Because this my adorable friend and a whole lot of my friends (women and men inclusive) have been tricked into believing that bottom power is power, the real deal- for those of you reading this whom have no idea, bottom power is what they tell young women they have. Like, when they are pretty enough to fuck their way through life's problems and emerge victorious, they are able to do that because they are women, they'll say things like "wow! You are lucky ooo, very lucky, I wish I had your luck."

I mean yeah! Let's assume now that an animal, like let's say dogs, were incharge and everytime you need something you'll have to sleep with one (Your boss, your lecturer, an older dog named Rex) to get what you want. How is that being in charge or lucky? How? Please help me out, how?

And because I live in a society where I have been made to understand that a woman without a man in front of her (not beside her) Is a hopeless woman, some would even say an Ashewo (it's a commonly used term for slut.)

So yes, I understand my adorable friend but it doesn't justify it. I wrote an article once about how women should aim for better things and focus on their selves instead of being fixated on marriage and posted it on WhatsApp ( for those of you who know me to an extent, I do that a lot) and someone, chatted me up (FYI Dmed me.) And told me that I was wrong, and that because I was "a marriage hater," it doesn't mean everyone has to be one - Abeg ooo, I'm not a marriage hater ooo, please!! - but I have come to realize that marriage is. . . . . (Let me shu here before someone DMs me again.)

I have heard stories where if the family has boys, only boys, they'll say " God really try for am ooo," but when the family has girls, "they'll say, make God just bless them with boy, abeg." Or when you go to the hospital and they'll tell you the Doctor is waiting for you, you always think that the 'Doctor' is a man - I once told someone, my about my Boss, the person said "wow! That 'man' is really good oooo, he is trying for you." And I replied tiredly " My Boss is a woman." Or when You walk into, let's say into big organization, you always assume it's going to be a man, and if you see that it's a woman, you'll say something really cruel and bitchy like " I guess she problem fucked her way to the top." Nice! (Sarcasm.)

I have been in church once and after the service, all the girls and women and single ladies were asked to wait behind and while I packed my Bible as I struggled to leave, I overheard the person hosting the meeting telling the women/girls/single ladies, to dress less seductively "pity our brothers" she said,

"it's not easy for them."

Laugh wan ki me, I guess, the thousands of little girls who get raped yearly brought it on themselves by dressing seductively (I'm being sarcastic, very very sarcastic). But looking deeper, I realized (I always realize) that this person, has been tricked into believing that there's a thing called seductive dressing - ohh you didn't know? You weren't aware? That seductive dressing is something that people made up. Because what moves or turns you on, may not work for another person. Or my sapiosexuals reading this, I'm I wrong?

Someone once told me, during a happy birthday post for my friend, an amazing young woman, that " Which kain friend you dey keep? Na Ashewos You dey follow?" I didn't block the person, I didn't tell my friend, I waited for two weeks and then on a Sunday ( people are always active online on Sundays,) I posted on WhatsApp hoping that the person would see (the person did.) About how people could try to be supportive of other people and stop with the hate. And I added that we are Ashewos, all of us.

My friend from **** like to unbutton the first three buttons everytime he wears a shirt, sometimes, if he wears a singlet, it shows and if he doesn't, his nipples show. Nobody complains, not that I've heard of. But the hand of a woman's brassiere shows and viola, "boo hoo your whore!" (Also sarcasm)

Someone, this one hunts me most times, told me, wait for it, that I'm not a woman, so I should stop with my feminist talks. And it was funny later on because it's like, to recognize the problems that women face, I'll have to be one - but . . . . . And calling me a feminist implied that I am a gender traitor, a directionless person ecetera, you get the menu.

And no I am not a woman, I can sit down here and rant and rant and rant about the injustices melted out on women but I will never truly understand it because I am not a woman and honestly, have no intention of being one. Yet. (Who knows, tomorrow, I could.)

And this brings me to my main point, women are always undermined and have little or no recognition, this discrimination affects women. Women have a lot of challenges in accessing information which can actually create a consciousness and enable them enforce the enacted rights that are been violated.

Policies have been formulated and implemented by various institutions, but still the result has yielded little change. Gender inequality is deeply rooted in our cultural and social behavior. This brings us to the problem which is; how can we retain the little progress made so far, need for continued state and international support in mainstreaming gender perspective in all government policies and programmes. How can the civil society change its idiosyncratic views on gender relations, especially those which are detrimental to fundamental Human rights and the equality of the sexes?

Cooking, washing plates and clothes, sweeping , braiding, planting, harvesting doesn't come pre installed in a vagina.

Repairing cars, fixing freezers, changing bulbs , fixing appliances, barbing, farming Is not a gift that comes with the penis.

Everyone had to learn.

Everyone has to learn.

There isn't a specific role that comes with been male or female.

Even colors, like red and black and blue for boys, pink and purple and yellow for girls.

Who made those rules?, Like seriously, who?

Went to the thrift market and said I want a clothe for my niece and next thing, boom! I'm handed out pink outfits. I'm so sorry, I didn't know that it's a taboo for girls to wear brown or black or yellow or blue.

So don't be too hard on yourself.

And pleeeeeeease loves, stop with the criticisms when a particular person from a gender can't do something or wants to do something that's according to you, not "gender related."

And it's not a big deal, so don't make a big deal out of it when they do .

It is believed that In Nigeria, It was the colonization, which to a high degree that upset the legal arrangement of Nigerian communities by the introduction of the nineteenth century European notions of patriarchy.

As a result, the traditional system, which gave women the opportunity to exercise their rights in both private sphere and public domain, was disrupted.

As an Artist/Creative (upcoming) most times I blame the media, because truth be told, it is one of the greatest way to educate the public (don't even let me get started on TikTok and how a lot of 'content creators' constantly objectify women with skits, perfect editing and camera angles though, I'll give that to them.)

The Nigerian media (All aspects of it) had been dominated by men, and in their creative and art works, the portrayal of women has been poor in the society, portraying them as house-wives, docile, unexposed, unreasonable, and sometimes even as witches. (I was writing for an online site once and the owner after reading I submitted the first fifteen chapters called me around 7 am in the morning

"Beautiful story Davidfnycountry, but she is too fierce, could you try and make her less fierce and more romantic? Our readers are mostly young girls and we really want romance.)"

But in a counter to this, female artists and creatives in Nigeria have emerged and presented women in strong, progressive and assertive heroic roles, projecting the impact of women to the growth of the society.

The use or certain words to refer to Women which represent a real psychological war between the sexes should be discouraged. Words like second Class citizens, one woman one problem, weaker sex, she is just a woman, Why are you talking like a woman? (Meaning that the person, probably a man, talks a lot or is nagging or is being unreasonable),

"he is behaving like a woman"(meaning that he is portraying signs of a weak person.) etc.

The works of art such as plays, comedies, clips, movies, books and other works that demonstrate or portray only male power over female which thus help to perpetuate women inferiority in the mind of the society should be discouraged.

Government and political parties should intensify efforts to stimulate and ensure equality of participation of women at all levels of government. At the local level strategies to ensure the integration of women in political participation should be programmatic, bear a close relationship to issues of women in the locality and should take into account the suitability of the proposed measures to local needs and values.

Equal attention should be given to both sexes in all sphere of life; parents and guardians shouldn't give the boy child more attention than the girl child and should share everything else between the sexes equally.

The Nigeria nation owes the womenfolk the responsibility of removing those artificial and institutional barriers bared on religion, culture or traditional consideration which have incapacitated the abilities of Nigerian women to participate effectively and freely in national affairs particularly at the political and economic levels.

I have the go now, I have alot to say but I have to go now. Later.

Now, a word " You came from a woman and yet you belittle her. Impressive! A round of applause for. . . . "

Maybe I have no idea on what I just spent an hour writing. Maybe. Maybe.

By Davidfnycountry Austine Ogbadu.